if any of the material directly concerns you, and you are offended, please let us know
~ IF YOU'VE A STORY, MESSAGE EITHER BEAN OR SMURD VIA THE DISCUSSION BOARD ~


04.12.2006
As the 18th Newtownabbey 1st team continue to dominate their league and cup rivals, the 2nd team have tried to improve
team bonding to see if this is the answer to improving performance.  It was recently revealed that although the 1sts have three
absolute tanks in their team (Monk - 05.11.06), its has been down to their off-the-field 'friendliness' which has seen them playing
superbly.  And so, as said, the 2nd Team have taken it upon themselves to try the same.  Following on from Saturday's bus-run
away to Dromara Village, two players have been snapped....taking their 'bonding' just one stage too far....oh dear.
                                                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                                                                    click here to be shocked

05.11.2006
As FIFA continues its push on Fair Play, it comes as a great shock to the Monk, and the whole of the 18th management, that
some players have been found to totally disregard this new culture. So, aiming to totally stamp out any form of segregation,
the 18th have recruited a well-known individual to help discourage negative activities, on and off the pitch.
                                                                                                                                            
                                                                                                                                                                      click here to find out who

05.11.2006
As we move into week 8 of the 2006/07 season, the 18th Newtownabbey 1st team have been playing considerably well.  Most
would look at the incredible talent of Mark Wilkinson, skinning defenders just for the sake of it.  However, as much as they are
one of the top-scoring teams in the league at the minute, they are also one of the teams with the least goals conceded.  The reason?
Downsey tells The Monk:  "This season Rossco has been playing superbly, never making a mistake, and always there when
needed.  But, the main reason we've conceded so few goals, is our defence.  I've put them on a strict diet of Guiness, raw eggs
and lard.  Opposition strikers are finding it impossible to cope, especially when it comes to set pieces.  They're tanks."

                                                                                                   See what the heck Downsey's talking about, click here
 








25.07.2006
After recent debates on the 18th Newtownabbey Discussion Board, The Monk has taken it upon himself to research
into the details of why exactly some players are only putting the effort in for small periods of the season.  Much 
debate has ensued over the case of Johnny McKee in particular, with many discussion board members highlighting how
he tends to only have random spells at the club, and rarely makes training.  As usual, The Monk's contacts have done well,
and for the first time, can explain why McKee never has time for football.  Apparently, he's keeping his best performances
for off the pitch. . .
                                                                                                                                 (be prepared to be shocked)


21.07.2006
A special thank you goes out to Mrs Deirdre Von Shtinkin'tights, who has spotted a very small, but phenomenal detail in
the recently published Football Dinner 06 photographs.  Upon closer inspection it can be seen that in fact, Simon Bennett's
award was for something we could never have predicted.  Aferwards, Simon said:  "I really think I deserved this award,
many people have commented on my verbal communication throughout the season, I knew I'd win it".
                                                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                         (click here for the shocking picture)

02.07.2006
It has just been announced that the 18th Newtownabbey are set to launch a new 'Anti-Alcohol' Campaign, to alert kids
of the possible dangers associated.  The new campaign has been on the cards for a long time now; but once The Monk
led an internal investigation, revealing some shocking evidence, management where quick to act. Just take a look...
                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                                                               (click here to view the evidence)

18.06.2006
   The Monk can exclusively reveal the first tactics to be introduced for the 2006/07 season.  After lengthy discussions between the
   managers, coaching staff and with one of our sponsors (who shall remain anonymous), it has been decided that all 18th players
   must purchase the following equipment.  To place an order, please contact Jock.
                                                                                                                                               
                                                                                                                              (click here to view the equipment)